How to make a real zombie!

Years ago, I came across with this web: www.fuckinzombies.com/make-real-zombie.php (now it doesn't even exists), and I saw this weird article, I remembered some things of it, so I just googled some tag words, cache some shitz and tah-dah! here it is again. 
So enjoy it:


 How to make a real zombie


Making real zombies the Hatian voodoo way is easy and I'll teach you how.
First you'll need a victim. Traditionally family members would sell erstwhile relatives to zombie masters as revenge or repayment on an unsettled debt, this is what happened to Clairvius Narcisse (I painted him once), the only documented case of a real zombie. Since most zombies were put to work as slave labor, you'll want to pick a strong and healthy specimen, and make sure they're young, that way they'll last longer.
Next comes the zombie potion. With the exception of the toad venom which may contain DMT (an extremely powerful, and illegal hallucinogen), all of the ingredients are legal. They're also all pretty easy to find. You'll need three chemicals from natural sources:
  • Tetrodotoxin (from puffer fish, eaten as fugu in Japan)
  • Tropane Alkaloids (from plants in the nightshade family, including Jimsons weed and Foxglove)
  • Bufotoxins (family of chemicals from toad skin including epinephrine, norepinephrine and DMT)
Mix up your potition of puffer fish and toad venom and dose your victim by rubbing it on an area of soft skin on his body. These chemicals will cause paralysis and slowed breathing and heart rate. Soon enough he'll fall into an unconcious state which is very easily confused with death (perhaps pick a back water town, with little or no medical support). Somebody will pronounce him dead, and he'll be buried. In the Caribean, due to the fast rate of decompsition in warm, moist climates, traditionally the dead are buried very quickly. But make sure you move quickly, once your victim is buried, you'll have to digg him up within 8 hours or the lack of oxygen will cause enough permanant brain damage to render your zombie slave useless. A little damage is ok for ensuring your zombie is a pliable enough subject.
Once your victim is above, restrain him and feed him a tropane-containing plants (the "zombie cucumber" datura is the most comonly used source). The chemicals and the oxygen depravation should yield a sutaibly blank mental slate to imprint your commands on. Remember, its the tropane alkaloids that are keeping your zombie under your spell, so if he seems to be coming back to his sense, just feed him somemore. Just remember under Hatian Law, zombie-making is illegal:
Article 249. It shall also be qualified as attempted murder the employment which may be made against any person of substances which, without causing actual death, produce a lethargic coma more or less prolonged. If, after the person had been buried, the act shall be considered murder no matter what result follows.
There you have it, your very own zombie. You're well on your way to building a whole army of them and taking over the world.

24 comments:

  1. Fortune said...

    I think Z-day is the one natural disaster every one of us has a fallout plan for. Not tornadoes, not earthquakes, tsunamis, but z-day.

  2. Memo said...

    If I make an army of zombies, I doubt they'll want to work for me. They would get the worse benefits.
    Oh, and I have a fallout plan for z-day.

  3. randomer said...

    Interesting that they actually had to create a law against it. Good thing it's an Island, at least they're contained.

  4. K said...

    Creepy! Very gothic

  5. B Jeezy said...

    i could use a few zombies!

  6. philmin9 said...

    I always wanted to know how to do this.

  7. ixirawr said...

    Whoa... Just whoa.

  8. James Lyndon said...

    I will DEFINITELY try this when I get round to it...

  9. creepiest post i've read in awhile. good job.
    +followed

  10. kinda scarry! cool stuff!

  11. daniel said...

    Weird but good post.

  12. Liquider said...

    creepy! I like!

  13. Maquina said...

    This is cool info, thanks for sharing

  14. Ronald said...

    Whoa that is crazy!!!!!

  15. Sety said...

    puffer fish and toad venom? eeewww, no thanks.

  16. The Suit said...

    Hmmm, maybe if I used this on my employees, they would actually get stuff done. And I wouldn't have to pay them!

  17. kxxthanxx said...

    now i've read this i can't say: fuckinzombies how do they work?

  18. Jay Reid said...

    isn't this what voodoo used to attempt to perform?

  19. A.Isperiax said...

    A little hard to find all the ingredients.

  20. Lealeepo said...

    Will try to make my own zombie will se how it looks like!

  21. Mars said...

    I'm scared D:

  22. Jamal Crawls said...

    didnt expect to finish the article but it was a very good read!

  23. That's right, I saw a documentary on this, several actually, but I never figured out where to get the puffer fish, they don't sell them here :( xD

  24. cheshire said...

    I've read about these Haitian zombies, but didn't know people actually had the ingredients to potion. If I could get my hands on some DMT, I don't know if I would go through with the effort of making a zombie ;p

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